


Tear You Apart

by hellacopter



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst, Bondage, Choking, Dubious Consent, F/M, Hate Sex, Kinktober 2018, Knifeplay, Light BDSM, Rough Sex, Sharky/Dep if you squint, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-08-06 20:53:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16394897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellacopter/pseuds/hellacopter
Summary: Deputy Morgan wants to make sure John Seed suffers for what he's put her people through. She just didn't expect to find it so... arousing.





	1. As You Choke

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song by She Wants Revenge, thought it was very fitting. The Deputy always ends up in just the worst situations so why not add a little lust and self-hatred in the mix?

“My... parents were the first ones to teach me about the Power of ‘Yes,’” John said, leaning over his work table and glancing towards his newly captured Deputy. He held up a nail gun to the back of the workbench and stapled a small strip of— _ was that human skin? _

“One night, they took me into the kitchen, and they threw me on the ground and I experienced pain after pain after pain after pain—” he slammed the nail gun down, causing her to jump, “and when I didn’t think I could take anymore… I did.

“Something broke free inside. I wasn’t scared, I was… clear. I looked up at them, and I started to laugh. All I could say was… Yes,” he hissed, glee in his expression. “I spent my entire life looking for more things to say yes to.”

He sauntered over to her chair with a tattoo needle and plugged it in, testing the buzz before setting it down on a small table next to her.

“I opened every… hole in my body and when those were filled I created more.”

Lee shivered, glowering at John. She wished more than anything she could break out of there and run. The look in his eye was nothing short of eager, contented cruelty. His voice faded out of her attention as he leaned down and ripped the front of her shirt open, revealing her clavicle and the top of her sternum. Panic set in as he continued preaching and cleaned a spot above her left breast. He was close enough that she could see sweat glistening on his face, the deep amber light from an antler chandelier above shining behind him, illuminating his head like a halo. She was shocked back into listening when he finally stepped away from her.

“...to own your sin. To etch it onto your flesh and carry its burdens, and when you have endured—when you have truly begun to atone—to cut it out like a cancer,” he stretched his arms, mimicking tearing his chest open, “and display it all to see.” He let out two shaky breaths that she couldn’t discern between laughter or gasps of pleasure.

“My God, that’s courage.”

She wondered if he was getting off on their fear. She felt a sudden pull, as if inspiration struck her. A pull to make him experience the fear that she felt now. To commit an act of vengeance for Hudson’s week’s-long abuse, to restitute what he'd done to the people of Hope County.

“So, Deputy, I’m going to teach you courage,” he nearly sang, ripping her from her thoughts. “Teach you how to say ‘yes’ so you can confront your weaknesses, confront your sin!” His voice began to crescendo. “You will swim across an OCEAN of pain and emerge… 

“Free.”

He picked up a long screwdriver, one with a flat edge that looked unnaturally sharp, and walked towards her again.

“For only then,” he stuck the end of the tool just under her bare shoulder and pierced her skin, digging it in to make her wince, “can you truly begin to atone.” He pulled the metal out, grinning slightly at her pained reaction.

“So who wants to go first? Hm?” he taunted, relaxing against the workbench with one leg crossed over the other. She could see his knuckles turn white gripping the bench in anticipation. He looked proud posing in front of his box of torture tools and flaps of unknown people's ‘sin’ that had been stapled to the table's back stand.

Lee immediately jerked her eyes to Hudson and saw her wriggling in her chair and trying to scream behind the tape on her mouth. Her eyes were wide, pleading, as she shook her head furiously.

“Yes,” Lee finally gasped. Hudson let out another muffled scream, trying to say no, tell John to leave Deputy Morgan alone, or maybe to stop her from saying yes, anything to protect her. She looked at Hudson tearfully, silently pleading forgiveness. She couldn’t see her suffer anymore than she already had at the hands of John.

“Yes! YES!” John groaned, nearing Lee with clenched fists. “You’re not going to regret this,” he whispered, “I promise.” He examined her face and chest again, as if mapping out her skin.

“I want to see you dead for what you’ve done,” Lee spat. John grinned, plugging in his tattoo gun.

“Oh?” he asked, humoring the fuming deputy while he fiddled with his tool.

“I’ll kill you with my bare hands, I swear to God—” she choked, bordering on tears, “I want to see the light drain from your eyes, you sick FUCK.”

She watched him tense and freeze for a moment, slowly drawing his eyes to her with a dark look.

“Go on,” he pressed. His voice went deeper, flat as he leaned forward into her space. She started instinctually turning away but forced herself to stay still, locked in a stare with his bright blue eyes. They looked so… cold. Hungry.

She could hear his breathing pick up and copied his movement, restraints cutting into her wrists as she stretched toward him. Narrowing her eyes, she nearly whispered through gritted teeth, “I want to kill you, I—” her voice was shaking.

“There is nothing I desire more, no greater pleasure, than to watch you die.”

John pushed away from her swiftly, staring her down with pupils blown wide. He let out a long, shaky breath.

“You getting off on this, John?” she grated. She could feel her anger and desperation growing by the second. “Not very becoming of a man of G—”

His hand met her face with a loud SLAP, cutting her off.

“This is your confession, Deputy, not mine.” He exhaled sharply through his nose, assessing her. He clasped his hands suddenly, loudly, making Lee flinch.

“Your sin goes much deeper than I realized. There is much more to atone for,” he mused, thoughtfully looking her over. 

“Now before we begin, I think it’s only proper that Deputy Hudson goes back to her room. Confessions are meant to be private, after all.”

He grabbed Hudson’s chair and wheeled it just in front of Lee, close enough that she could see the full damage. Her cheeks were streaked with mascara and tears. Her eyes were both swollen and dark, and bruises outlined her forehead and chin. And the bruises around her neck—

“Shhh, shhh… I am not here to take your life,” John crooned over Hudson's whimpering, “I’m here to give it to you.” He straightened and leaned into Lee’s face so she could feel the heat of his breath. He softly wrapped his fingers around her neck and continued, “I am going to open you and pour your worst fears inside—”

Hudson started screaming another muffled ‘NO’ and shook harder in her chair as John’s grip around Lee’s neck tightened.

“—and as you choke, your sins will reveal themselves.”

Lee’s vision began to go blurry as she convulsed, trying in vain to get air, but she soon found herself starting to relax at the pressure. A pleasure built in her that she hadn’t experienced before. She went slack and felt her eyes begin to roll until she was yanked back into reality.

“Only then… will you truly believe in the Power of Yes.” He grinned as he slid his hands away, down her bare neck and chest, eyes still boring into her as if he were searching her soul. Hudson continued her fruitless dissent as he grabbed her chair again. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said with another smile and strode out with a frightening air of confidence and power.

_ I sure as hell won’t be here for that, _ Lee thought. As soon as she was alone, she rolled herself through the door and plummeted down the stairs to break her restraints and find her way out.


	2. Broken, Beaten, Bruised

“Let them run, LET THEM HIDE! For no matter where they go, GOD will guide us to them!”

Deputy Morgan could hear John’s screams all the way down the mountain. She couldn’t stop coughing, her lungs seizing from Bliss and frantic running, gasping to catch her ragged breath as she slid behind a tree for cover. Shouts from above sounded more distant as her attackers heeded John and halted their pursuit.

“Holy shit, kid. I’ve been trying to reach you. I heard John nabbed you and I feared the worst,” Dutch’s voice came crackling over the radio. She let out a relieved laugh that turned into crying as the adrenaline slowly drained from her.

“... so I’m glad you made it out alive,” he continued as she stumbled down the hill away from John’s Gate. “I’m sorry about Hudson… but there’s not much we can do without John’s key. You’re gonna have to lure him out… figure the best way to do that is to burn his whole fuckin’ operation to the ground…

“So get to work.”

Lee let out another shaky breath and pulled the radio to her. “I’m on it. Deputy Morgan out.”

*****

Walking the long road back to Fall’s End was, thankfully, uneventful. An abandoned four-wheeler on the side of the road got Lee back to the Spread Eagle and she immediately fell at the bar and flagged Mary May down for a drink.

“Strongest you’ve got,” she croaked as the bar patrons started crowding around her.

“Jesus, it’s the Deputy! Find Pastor Jerome—”

“Leanne! You’re alive! How—”

“She’s covered in blood, someone get a med kit—”

Lee zoned in and out of the noise. She only gave a shocked Mary May a weary look, which prompted her quickly pouring the Deputy a glass of whiskey. People knocked her shoulders from bustling around her as a local soldier, Fred, pushed through to examine her. Noticing the tear in her shirt and a few missing buttons, he leaned over and whispered, “Dep, are you okay?”

Lee stifled a sob and without making eye contact mumbled, “He didn’t do anything... like... that. I think I’m bleeding, though.” Glancing down she noticed her shirt and undershirt were stuck to her left pectoral with blood that was still blooming.

“Can I...?” Fred asked. She nodded and winced as he reached out and peeled her shirt back to assess the damage.

The source of blood was a fairly small gash from the screwdriver John had threateningly jabbed into her. _Fuckin’_ _bitch_ , she thought. Fred cleaned out the wound while Lee sat at the bar, staring blankly at the bare wall, wincing again before he patched her up quickly with gauze.

“Thanks, Fred,” she said, taking a sip of whiskey. He silently rested a hand on her good shoulder, patted it, and walked away. Pastor Jerome strode over to take his place.

“It’s good to see you alive, Deputy,” he boomed, grasping her wrist and giving it an earnest squeeze. She brushed her right hand over his, closing her eyes and feeling grounded by the touch. The people of Fall’s End made her feel safe in ways not many others did.

“It feels like bare survival more than a victory,” she choked out, losing her gaze in the bottom of her now empty glass. She raised a shaky finger to Mary May who came and wordlessly refilled it.

“Though the fight may feel lost today, we are closer to winning the war more now than ever,” he responded assuredly. “The fact that you have survived time after time is proof enough that God is watching. You’ve given these people  _ hope _ .”

“I feel broken,” she nearly whispered, exhaustion taking the place of her urge to cry. Jerome laid a gentle hand on her back.

“We’re behind you one-hundred percent,” he promised.

“So,” Mary May started hesitantly as she moved from hovering near the back wall, “What’s next for the resistance?” She and Pastor Jerome shared a glance and looked back at the worn Deputy.

Lee downed half her drink in one go. Setting it back down with a clink on the polished wood bar top, she growled,

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill John Seed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for the oncoming smut!!


	3. On The Clock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Deputy grapples with her fEeLiNgS

Lee gave up on trying to get the blood stains out of her shirt.

“Ruined a perfectly good shirt, you mother—” she scoffed at no one. Tossing the top in the trash and rolling her shoulders as she shrugged into new clothes, she finally sat for a moment alone. One home in Fall’s End that wasn’t bombed out or burned to the ground had an unused upstairs bedroom. She was crashing there while the owner was out fighting. He was presumably dead by now; she tried not to think about that much.

She lay down on the bed, her eyes drooping from fatigue. Her body felt too heavy to move again, but terrible memories of John’s bunker began to flash through her mind. She remembered her vision going red when she saw a bloodied, bruised Deputy Hudson tied to a chair opposite from her in the “confession” room— _ more like a torture chamber, _ she thought. Joey was screaming incoherently through her taped mouth and looked terrified—not just of John, but  _ for  _ Lee. At least her fellow deputy was alive, she mused. But how to get her back safely?

John had stared so fiercely, so hungrily, at Lee.  _ Your sin is Wrath, _ he had said as she was escaping. The level of delusion, the cruelty, that he contained seemed immeasurable. Not even his brother’s violent brainwashing displayed that same sadism. Jacob’s training was very direct, practical. He did things out of what he saw as necessity. John, on the other hand, went above and beyond to pull seemingly senseless pain out of his victims.

He was charming, charismatic… Peggies literally wrote songs praising him, and while it might have seemed understable on the surface, he had enthusiastically drowned her, stabbed her, and choked her every time they met. He couldn’t kill her, though, under a stipulation that she surprisingly had Joseph to thank for.

_ “This one will reach the Atonement. Or the gates of Eden shall be shut to you, John.” _

She saw the shame in John’s face at Joseph’s chastisement. She also saw the glint of pleasure in his eyes that followed when he addressed her again, possibly at the thought of torturing her within an inch of her life, one that struck her with fear. If even Joseph didn't tolerate John's malice, there was no way to ensure anyone could defy him and live to tell— _ fuck. _ That meant she had to act or condemn Hudson and the other prisoners to their deaths.

*****

Walking across the street to Pastor Jerome’s church, she tried to clear her head from the rage that was growing.  _ Little Miss Wrath,  _ she heard John's voice croon in the back of her mind.  _ Shut the hell up, _ she mentally retorted.

The church’s pews were skewed and pushed back to make room for mattresses and sleeping bags laid out for the county's refugees. Jerome was kneeling over a bed tending to a wounded resistance fighter as Lee walked in.

“I need advice,” she said quietly as she sat on the steps to the podium. He stood and moved to her, taking position in front of her and placing a hand on her knee.

“Tell me what's wrong, Deputy. What can Fall's End do for you?”

“It's… it's about John,” she said in a hushed voice. “I feel this pull, this urge t-to kill him. He called me 'Wrath’ and I'm—” she caught herself choking, “—but I need to do something to stop him, I can't let him take more of our people, I…”

The pastor nodded as she trailed off. 

“I told you, when you saved the Eden's Gate defector, that if we did not practice forgiveness and embrace the repentant we were no better than the cult. But this goes beyond our forgiveness, Deputy,” he warned. “Only God can restitute what John has done so it is up to us to prevent him from enacting his cruelty anymore. That being said… Keep your anger in check. Indulgence leads only to pain. John knows that. Don't let him play you as he has others.”

He stepped away, offering a hand to Lee. “I believe we have work to do, Deputy.”

She grabbed his hand and pulled herself up. “Thank you,” she said earnestly and left him to tend to the injured. She knew what she needed to do.

*****

It's not indulgence, she argued to herself. Weren't vengeance and justice God's whole thing? She was doing what needed to be done.  _ God's executioner, _ she thought.  _ No, wait, that sounds bad. _ Lee sat on her bed with a map of Holland Valley, a radio, two pairs of handcuffs, and a vial of Bliss oil spread out before her. She was marking the best route to Seed Ranch as she fought with herself.

_ You're gonna get yourself killed, _ she thought.  _ As long as John's dead, my survival doesn't matter, right? _ She paused.  _ That's not fuckin’ true… I'm needed. I matter. _

_ But I do this alone. _

She eyed her radio but pushed away thoughts of calling up Grace to help her take John's ranch. Lee wasn't yet sure what exactly she was going to do, but she also didn't want anyone to witness it.  _ Anything for the Resistance. A means to an end, and we need this end. Ain't nothing wrong with some righteous blood atonement of a psychopath, right? _

Tentatively satisfied with her internal justifications, she suited up in some of her police gear and crept out of the house. It was nearing 1 AM when she left, making her way south to a quiet dock on the river, just past the Rye's airstrip. Pulling her boat away from the dock, she drifted northwest with the current to her destination. John's dock was almost always unguarded, giving her the perfect silent entry and exit.

She gripped her bowie knife and rested her other hand on a holstered pistol as she pulled her boat to shore and began creeping up the hill. She had tried to memorize the posts and alarms on the property last time she was here retrieving Nick's plane and felt relieved peering over the short fence seeing that the guard's layout was about the same as before. She sucked in a breath and hopped the fence.

Lee took them down one Peggy at a time, snapping necks or bashing in heads of the ground patrol and hitting the balcony guards with silenced pistol shots. She smashed both alarms and, after making one last scope of the place, entered the main house.

Even in the dark with only moonlight illuminating it, she could see the interior was nicer than she expected. Well-kept furs and leather furniture were arranged neatly around a large open living area. Antler and other animal bone ornaments lined the treated log walls and framed the mantle of a huge stone fireplace, above which hung a large portrait of the Seed siblings. Their eyes stared forward blankly, with Faith, John, and Jacob posed around a seated Joseph. Even in artistic portrayal, John looked smug. Lee scoffed at the sight but felt her heart rate pick up—she wasn't just feeling anxious, no… she felt giddy. The giddiness surprised her but the subsequent shame quieted it quickly.

Creeping up the stairs, she poked her head in several rooms—an office, small empty sleeping quarters presumably for the guards, and finally what looked like a master bedroom. The double doors barely made a sound as she pushed them ajar, slipping inside to find a large bed with crisp white sheets containing a sleeping John Seed.

It was strange to see him so peaceful. He was still in his clothes and lay propped up on a pillow, some loose papers scattered over and around him.  _ Being a piece of shit must be an exhausting full-time gig _ , she joked to herself.

Lee stepped to his motionless figure, ghosting her fingers over his messy dark hair, tracing his jawline, then hovering over his neck. She pulled out the vial of Bliss and popped the cap off with her thumb, other hand still over John's neck. Pouring the oil drop by drop onto his upper lip shook him suddenly awake, mumbling in an alarmed tone as he blindly reached out and grasped nothing but air. As he leaned up, Lee pushed him back into the mattress by his throat and watched as his eyes rolled back and his body went limp.


	4. Bound and Bonded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ALL ABOARD THE SMUT TRAIN

No more than twenty minutes had passed before John's consciousness returned and his head bobbed, groggily trying to determine his surroundings. Lee held a tight grin as he awoke, not even looking to him as the sound of disoriented groaning drifted through the room.

“Was starting to worry you weren't gonna wake up,” she muttered, standing over his desk examining a variety of tools.

“You…?” he groaned, still drowsy from the Bliss.

“Yes, me,” she responded, trying to sound teasing but coming off flat and angry. “I thought the Baptist needed a taste of his own medicine.” She picked up a knife, glanced in his direction but avoided eye contact, and set it back down.

“My men—”

“Will what? Catch me?” she interrupted, striding past him, and pulled open the door to reveal a dead Peggy lying in the hall. She felt a jolt of fulfillment at John's reaction. His face paled and eyes widened, realizing the severity of the situation he was in. He looked up at Lee and she saw a tiny glint of fear as his eyes followed her across the room, flashing in the moonlight that peeked through the windows.

“What… do you want?” he growled. He shifted and stretched to test the restraints until she approached him with the knife, which he pushed his body back into the chair to avoid.

“I told you I wanted to fucking kill you. I just want to make sure it hurts,” she hissed, emphasizing the last word.

The look on his face was… delicious.

His brows furrowed in a helpless glare until he caught the excitement in her expression, then his lips upturned in a slight grin. Her mind switched in that moment, the pleasure she'd been trying to ignore suddenly blooming. They locked in a stare, both full of hunger and rage. The raw energy pulsing between them was almost palpable.

“I was wrong, Deputy,” he hummed, breaking the tense silence.

She rushed forward and gripped his jaw, thumb brushing over his lips as she leaned toward him. “About what?” she said in a shaky breath.

“Your sin. It isn't Wrath, it's…” he tipped his chin into her hand and flicked his tongue out, dragging it along the edge of her palm,

“Lust.”

Her breath hitched again and she forcibly grabbed his throat while still gripping his jaw and bent down for a violent kiss.

She felt his whole body tense for a moment before leaning into her as if pulled by her magnetism. She sucked on his lips and brushed her tongue just inside his mouth, biting down hard, tasting the bitterness of his blood and the heat of his breath. He grazed her bottom lip, dragging his teeth across it before letting go.

Lee, still with one hand around John's throat, slid her other hand up his thigh, stopping just below where his leg met his hips.

“What the fuck,” she breathed.

“I told you I would indulge you in your sin, Deputy. Did I not?”

“You keep looking for more things to say yes to, John. I can give that to you.”

She brushed her hand over his crotch, inciting a gasp from him, and grabbed his belt at the buckle, pulling his hips forward.

“Do you want this, John?” she asked, tightening her grip on his neck. He wheezed and closed his eyes. She squeezed harder and slipped her fingers just inside the waistband of his pants. He started nodding aggressively, willing her to release his neck.

“Yes,” he exhaled, turning it into a growl. “ _ Yes.” _

Lee kept a hand on his belt and pulled the collar of his shirt down with the other to reveal a bare section of skin a few inches to the side of his fading ‘SLOTH’ scar. It was the same spot where he'd tried to mark her in the bunker. Within seconds, she grabbed the tattoo gun and made contact with the space, inciting a painful yelp from John as she trailed the needle across his chest with deep, jagged movements, ink mixing with blood beading down his chest. He struggled against her as she finished an ‘L’ and she backed away, releasing him from her grip, and silently observed him with a dangerous look in her eyes.

“You think this hurts? This is nothing,” she spat, “compared to what you put Hudson through.”

She was only somewhat surprised when he started laughing.

“Hudson might not appreciate the process of removing sin, but you seem to enjoy it. Don't you, Deputy?” he sneered in a mocking tone.

Lee shook her head. “You're the one who needs to atone, fuckface. For a whole MOUNTAIN of, of “sins”! You torture and kill and you do it happily, using God as an excuse every time. What the FUCK is that?! Are you a psychopath, or just sadist?” She paused in her exasperation, trying to compose herself.

“You know, I don't even know if you're redeemable,” she continued. She could feel her hands shaking and her face burning. Even with John tied up, she still felt incredibly vulnerable and small.

“Pain is necessary for Atonement, don't you remember? I am perfectly happy to fulfill Joseph's mission to cleanse and purge sin,” he said earnestly. His face held an innocent enough look but his eyes were dark, making her shiver under his gaze.

“Tell me. What sin do you so adamantly accuse me of, Deputy?” he pressed, an eager hunger creeping into his voice. “I beat you to writing out my sins some time ago. It's… cute that you think  _ you _ could cleanse  _ me _ ,” he chuckled, voice dripping with amusement.

“Where are they?”

“What—where are what?”

“Your sins. Let's expose those, hm?”

John gave her a look of shock and stammered, “I… that's not—”

“Let's start with 'Lust,’” she muttered, glancing at his crotch. Her hands grabbed his belt, undid the buckle, and jerked his jeans down just a bit, a growing erection springing out.

“And you say you have no sin,” she jeered with a sick smile. Her hands moved to his right inner thigh where an old, faded 'LUST’ adorned the skin there, flushed red from his increased blood flow. She lurched forward to kiss him again and began stroking him, relishing the look of confused pleasure on his face.

“Deputy,” he choked out in shock, “I—”

“Shh, shh, John… call me Lee,” she said as she released him and moved back. _Fuck_ _it._ She slid her jeans off and reapproached slowly, carefully watching his expression fully turn to arousal, and stepped over his legs to straddle him. She sucked in a breath at the sensation of him filling her and reveled in the strangled moan he gave. She rolled her hips down into his, riding his cock in agonizing movements to push him deeper, deeper…

Once he was fully inside her, she picked up her speed, increasing the friction. He gave strained grunts again once, twice, trying to hold back, only to let out one long shuddering sigh and gave in, only to attempt to thrust up against her. She grabbed his shoulder fiercely, digging her nails into his skin to push him down, and leaned into his face. Her eyes were full of desire, her expression angry.

“That's not how this is going to work, John,” she growled, eliciting a wince from him as she dug her nails in harder.

John gave her a defiant look and tried to thrust up again just once, ignoring her warning tone and stretched his neck to catch her lips in his. Her body softened against the touch and she fell into the kiss, starting the torturous rising and falling again. They both moaned in unison, the only thing that occupied Lee's mind being the sensation until she heard John moan,

“Lee…”

_ Dear Lord… _ The angle of his cock pushed against her walls, stretching her out. It stung but was hitting a spot deep inside her that had her attention fading more as pleasure built.

“Oh, John,” she groaned absentmindedly, still gripping his shoulders. She had kept her head down, eyes half-lidded, but her utterance surprised her enough to snap her eyes up and look at John. She froze momentarily and watched him. He looked back, mouth in more of a snarl than a grin, hesitantly awaiting her next move. Slowly she continued her thrusting despite the uneasiness growing inside her.

John reached with his mouth to her neck, biting and sucking on the taut muscle near her pulse. He was careful not to bite too hard to avoid her wrath… but she responded positively to every nip and kiss, her voice growing in volume as she tightened around him. Her movements became heavier and more erratic, her wetness sliding slick down his thighs. Her whole body tensed as she neared orgasm.

“I always thought you'd be so… energetic,” John said through heavy breaths, “what with all that police training.”

“You… what?” Lee squinted in confusion as her focus waned.

John began thrusting again, meeting her movements. “You've never thought about this? Us?”

“Not before tonight, n-no,” she stuttered, feeling embarrassment among the need occupying her mind. “And you have?”

“I know  _ deeply _ of sin.”

His dark tone made her breath hitch in a moan that sounded almost like choking and she rode him faster, the tension coiling inside her suddenly snapping. She felt the climax wash through her body like fire, throwing her head back and yelping in time with her vibrations. Her cunt clenched and released on his cock and she shuddered against his continuous thrusts.

“Deputy, I—” John stammered. Lee saw his face going redder and felt him shaking slightly beneath her, close to his own climax.

“I—I f-fucking hate you,” she grunted, lowering her gaze to his chest, sheened with sweat.

“FUCK,” John yelled as he started cumming. She could feel him fill her and bounced on his lap to drag out his orgasm.

“AH—” he exclaimed again suddenly in pain, jerking up from his slumped, occupied position. She had grabbed his tattoo gun and switched it on—its buzz seemed so loud in the stillness of the night. She jabbed and dragged the needle across his shoulder again, tutting at his reaction and attempted to keep him still as she continued to write while still thrusting down onto him. He nearly cried in both from the stinging of the needle and overstimulation.

“Deputy, I can't—”

She kept moving up and down his cock, feeling his cum drip down both their legs, as she finished writing. She tossed the tattoo gun aside and gripped his shoulders again, eliciting another yelp from him as the heel of her palm pressed into his wound.

“I'm not done with you yet, Seed,” she growled, chasing her second orgasm. The look of pain and pleading in his face, the blood dripping down his chest and onto her hands filled her with wild satisfaction.

“You deserve this.” She dug her hand in harder, deeply massaging the torn skin, and came.

Her shuddering and pulsing ended quicker than previous but the heat that ran through her was scorching. She felt unstoppable, powerful, especially in the face of his helplessness. He looked weary and drained as she pulled herself off of him, their mixed fluids sliding down their legs. She reached for her pants and pulled them on without care for cleaning up, staining them with his blood as well.

She turned back to John in his exhausted state as he tried to stretch his neck to see his new sin.

“Is that your name, Deputy?” he spat in disbelief.

Her eyes moved to his exposed chest and stared in bewilderment at what she'd done. She remembered starting to write 'LUST’ in the beginning but after he moaned her name…

“John, I—”

Suddenly, Lee heard tired screeching outside and voices yelling. She ran to the window and peered out, hand instinctively moving to her pistol and instead grabbing an empty holster. She spun around, frantically searching the floor for her weapon but seeing John slipping a hand out of one restraint with her knife in his hands. Her pistol was on the rug between them; he dove towards it and reached it before her, dragging the chair with him, softening penis still hanging out of his pants. He pointed it at her in frustration, holding back anger in his desire to kill her, and in his moment of hesitation she turned and vaulted herself through the nearest window onto a balcony overlooking the back of the ranch. She hurried down the stairs, hearing shouts of alarm behind her as she ran across the field to hop the fence and make her way down the hill to the river, retrieving her boat and speeding down stream to safety. Her face burned as she left, eyes stinging with tears, and eventually let out sobs of shame that were drowned out by the boat's engine.

John watched her escape with fury, cutting himself free and hurriedly fixing his clothes. He was quick to button his shirt up enough to cover his wound, his vest thick enough that it hid the blood, and did the same with his pants. He was just tightening his belt as a group of his morning guards slammed open his door.

“I'm fine, I'm fine, search the perimeter!” John yelled and some of the men jumped into action while two remained, clearing his room for intruders and checking him for wounds. He brushed them off aggressively and sent them away, stepping to the broken window and looking out at the dawn-lit forest that led to the river. He looked down at the gun in his hand, engraved with Lee's full name and title as well as the Hope County Deputies’ symbol. Ignoring the madness outside, he stumbled back and hit his bed, falling back onto the sheets, crushing the documents, and promptly fell into a restless sleep full of Lee's salacious grin wearing him down, feelings of stinging pain, her legs spread for him on the carpet, dripping with sweat and calling his name. He awoke only a few hours later in a cold sweat with a racing heartbeat to his guard boarding up the window and a radio call letting him know Joseph was on his way.


	5. The Baptism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RIP Kinktober, hello NaNoWriMo

Lee dragged herself back to the house in Fall’s End in the early hours of the morning. She felt filthy stripping off her clothes. Stepping into the bathroom she could see her shirt was soaked with sweat, her pants sticking to the inside of her legs, and she still had a mix of blood and ink on her hands. She turned on the shower, grabbed a bottle of scotch and pills to help her sleep, and sat on the floor of the bath, letting the sounds of the water take over her racing mind before eventually sliding into bed, falling into a dreamless sleep.

“Hey, Dep? You in there? Helloooo?”

Lee was startled awake by Sharky’s loud voice, scrambling to sit up and orient herself.

“You here, Lee—OH,” Sharky stepped in and out of her bedroom doorway and stared quickly at the ceiling, blushing furiously. “Sorry, Deputy, didn’t realize you were, uh, indecent,” he stammered.

Lee looked down at herself and realized she must have slept naked. She quickly pulled a sheet up and yelled, “Sharky, how about you give me a sec?” as she also became frightfully aware of the still-raw bite marks and hickeys peppering her neck and shoulders.

“Roger that,” he responded, quickly shuffling down the stairs. She rolled her eyes and walked to her closet, tripped over her clothes from last night and angrily kicked them under the bed. She pulled on a flannel and some old jeans before heading to the kitchen to find Sharky.

“Morning,” she grumbled. He was sitting on a chair in the living room, looking over the bar at her.

“Sorry again, Dep, I didn’t mean to, uh, infringe on your privacy,” he started while she dug through the fridge for something to stave off her hangover. “I mean, I won’t say I didn’t  _ appreciate _ what I saw, but I do apologize for the, uh, unannounced and possibly non-constentual—sensual?—non-consensual-istic nature of the, uh, encounter.”

“It’s fine, Sharky,” Lee sighed. She felt too tired to care but she did smile a little at his blabbering. “I don’t mind.”

“You—you don’t? ‘Cause, not to be too forward or nothing, but I too did  _ not _ mind and I would not mind to see it again—”

“Can it, Sharky,” Lee chuckled.

Sharky gave her a sheepish grin. “So, what’s on the agenda today? Might I suggest we blow some shit up? Seems like it’s been awhile since we done that.”

“Honestly, that sounds… awesome. Lemme grab my gun—” Lee stopped suddenly, remembering last seeing her pistol being pointed at her by John Seed. She felt sick and dizzy all at once but just closed her eyes to breathe through it.

“Maybe… I can pick up that flamer you were telling me about,” she continued her thought.

“Hey, that sounds great to me,” he said enthusiastically and went into a rambling story about the first time he ever lit something on fire.

Lee felt like she was floating through the day without any ability to focus. She tuned in and out of conversations as her thoughts consistently went back to John. After a full day of driving around Holland Valley destroying Bliss silos, she ended up crossing the Henbane with Sharky and Grace to hang out at the 8-Bit Pizza Bar.

“Hey, Lee,” Nick greeted as they entered. He seemed cautious in his approach as he reached out to pat her back and shot a look to her companions who both shrugged.

“What… guys, c'mon. It's just been an off day, okay? I am really glad you brought me down here, you don't need to worry,” Lee said. She looked at Nick with a small inquisitive smile.

“Alright, Dep, I hear ya. We all care about you, y'know? Let's get some beers and drink the blues away, whaddya say?”

“I would love nothing more,” she responded with a full smile. Just being out of the valley had her feeling more at ease. She sighed and relaxed as food and drinks were dished out among the humdrum of people talking, laughing, enjoying each other's company. Adelaide showed up and switched a jukebox on, filling the room with energetic music that prompted some folks to dance with each other. Lee stayed back, happy to be silently observing her friends. Jess and Grace were hanging around near the back door talking (flirting?) quietly while Nick worked the bar and Hurk and Sharky tried to out-boogie each other. She laughed at their ridiculous moves, momentarily catching Sharky's eye and seeing him freeze up for a moment before he gave a small wave and started dancing even harder than before. She felt at peace.

… At least until she heard her radio crackle with a familiar voice coming through.

“Strange that you left the valley without your gun, Deputy.”

Lee set down her drink and slid past the bar, bursting onto the back patio.

“The fuck do you want, Seed,” she hissed.

“Is this a bad time?” he said mockingly. “I just thought you might want your  _ means of defense _ back.”

“Really? You're calling to tell me you want to give me my gun? I thought I'd just pick it off your corpse next time I see you.”

“You were being careless,” he continued, ignoring her jab. “How ironic it would be if this gun found its way into your dear Deputy Hudson’s confession.”

_ Shit.  _ Lee's pulse quickened and she could feel herself starting to panic.

“Tell me what you want,” she grated.

“Oh, it's not about what  _ I _ want, Deputy. Be at the Lamb of God chapel at midnight.”

“Sounds suspiciously like a trap, John,” she bit.

“It just seems like there's very little you wouldn't do for your fellow deputy.” John's voice cut to the sound of Hudson's screams. The sick feeling returned quickly.

“Fine, God, I'll be there.”

“I thought that might push you in the right direction.” She could hear John's smile in his voice. “And, Lee?”

She instantly bristled at hearing him say her name. She felt dirty, especially at the way her stomach flipped.

“Come alone.”

“Are you kidding me?? I—I can't trust your men, John, they've been trying to kill me since I got here,” she exclaimed. He laughed.

“I told you I'm not here to kill you. I'm here to save you. And I will, eventually. I promise I'll come alone, too.”

_ He's coming alone. _ She was terrified but the thought of being alone with him again was almost... irresistible.

“You're not making your men do your dirty work this time? So glad you're putting your sloth aside for me,” she said dryly despite her heart feeling like it was leaping out of her chest.

“Hmm,” he sighed pleasantly as if this were a conversation between friends. “I'll see you tonight.”

The radio clicked off and she was left with the sound of crickets chirping and muffled music from inside. The volume grew as the door next to her opened.

“Oh, there you are,” Sharky said as he stepped onto the dimly lit porch. “Hurk and I were trying to get some shots going and wondered if you wanted in.”

Lee took a moment to steady her breathing before she responded. “I'm game for anything,” she grinned weakly. She almost frowned when he made a face, catching her mood.

“Yo, Lee, if something's up, you can tell me,” he said in a surprisingly soft tone. In a surprise move, he brushed her right arm with his hand. In a surprise response, she crossed her left arm over her chest and met his grasp.

“Thanks, Shark,” she mumbled. She felt him lean into her, adding weight to his grip and standing closer, close enough she could smell booze, something charred, and cheap cologne; she didn't find the scent particularly unpleasant.

“I—I just want you to be happy, Dep,” he said in a low voice. His hand was so warm under hers.

“I know,” she nodded, not looking directly at him.

He moved back to the door. “C'mon, let's get this party started!” he shouted as he headed back inside. He gave her one last lingering glance and disappeared from view.

The night flew by and with every passing hour, Lee's anxiety grew. She only drank a little; just enough to calm down, not enough to get truly drunk. The same couldn't be said for most of her compatriots. A few of the worse-offs loaded up in a truck driven by Jess back to Sharky's trailer. Nick and Grace offered to drive Lee back to Fall's End, to which she agreed.

“You'll be missing the real after party,” Sharky complained. “Be a shame if you missed it, Dep!”

“Stop tryin’ to get the Deputy into your bed, Boshaw!” Nick joked. It got a good reaction from everyone, though made Sharky blush in a way that was hard to hide. He tried to play it cool and gave Lee a sheepish grin before stumbling to the car.

The drive to Holland Valley was mostly light chatter between Grace and Nick. Lee sat back and listened to Nick talk about the new baby and how Kim was doing; Grace mentioned Afghanistan but quickly changed the subject to her most recent sharp-shooting record.

Nick dropped Grace off at her old home, which had been burned down by Peggies a few months earlier. She was living in her father's old bunker beneath it while she worked out whether to rebuild or not. Ten or so minutes quietly passed as he then headed to Fall's End.

Lee could see the Spread Eagle's neon sign flicker a few miles down the road by the time he spoke up.

“So, uh… Boshaw's got it pretty bad for ya, huh?”

Lee gave a choked laugh. “Hadn't noticed,” she said sarcastically.

“Y'all gonna... do somethin’ about that?” Nick said hesitantly.

“Man, I don't know,” Lee responded. “There's just a lot of... other stuff. Goin’ on.”

“Oh, well, yeah. That's fair. Just, uh… yeah...” he trailed off as they pulled up to her place.

Lee chuckled. “Catch you later, Rye,” she smiled and slid into the dark house. She stood inconspicuously in her kitchen until she was sure Nick was gone and grabbed her knife, threw on a coat, and headed into the night to the Lamb of God church.

Anxiety burned off any pleasant drunk feelings she harbored before. She avoided roads, opting to cut through farms and forest before lingering behind a tree across the street from her destination. She pulled out her binoculars and saw no one outside, not even vehicles to hint at anyone else being around, but froze at the sudden flickering of candlelight in the chapel. Gripping her knife handle, she approached the front doors cautiously and slipped inside.

“Hello, Deputy.” John's back was to her. He was wearing his long coat—blue denim with small white airplanes and leather detail. He glanced over his shoulder and, seeing her knife, slowly turned to point her own gun at her. 

“There's no need for violence,” he tutted and set the gun down, sliding it across the wood floor away from both of them. He looked at her expectantly and she followed suit with her knife.

“Good,” he drawled, raising his eyebrows in surprise satisfaction.

“So… my gun,” she stated in confusion.

“Ah, yes. I just needed one thing from you first, Deputy.” He eyed her with a dark look, that same grin twisting his lips.

“What the fuck do you want,” she breathed. Her nervousness rose in her voice as she stared back at him, no smile on her face.

“Tell me,” he unbuttoned his shirt, “why, of all things, did you put  _ this?” _ He uncovered her inflamed name torn into his skin. He didn't look angry, or even confused, just  _ hungry _ .

“I-I didn't mean to, i-it was when you said my name,” she stuttered. She felt heat rise in her chest, mixing with the enormous anxiety into a strange swirl of panic and arousal at the memory of… them.

“You are my sin, then,” he said. It wasn't even a question, which startled her even more. He stated it as fact.

She felt a wordless bond not from the sex and wrath they shared, but her name  _ graced _ his body; the intimacy made her feel completely exposed despite being fully clothed.

“Am I, now,” she shook, trying to regain an ounce of confidence. “What are you going to do about it?” She cringed at how immature that sounded. He chuckled.

“Maybe I should indulge in my sin, as you did yours.” His arduous expression bore her into the ground.

“I… I…” she stumbled over her words as he moved towards her, quick steps echoing through the room.

“Allow me to indulge in my sin so you may cut. It. From. Me.” He hissed, gripped her shoulders, and leaned in close with pleading eyes. “Save me.”

The last line was spoken swiftly and at barely more than a whisper. Aggressive chills rolled down her spine and she opened her mouth ever so slightly to whisper back, “Yes, John.”

He groaned at her response and their lips met fast. They were both shaking, maybe from the cold, maybe from arousal, but soon enough they shucked their coats from their shared heat and started grasping at each other's tops.

The candlelight cast unnerving shadows across the church’s high ceiling as they slipped off their shirts completely. White lace held the Deputy's breasts, thin enough to see her dark nipples perking through. He shuddered and paused to brush his fingers across them, slowly lowering each strap of the bra to reveal her chest completely.

Lee yanked his hands to grope her there while she began a focused series of kisses on his neck. She remembered his most sensitive spots and went for them. She sucked hard like before and moved across his clavicle to… her name. Her mouth became softer as she peppered the scar directly, tasting blood and the salt of his sweat.

He returned the affection while he squeezed her breasts, palmed her nipples, and bit up and down her shoulders. She groaned as he made sure to hit the same bruised spots that he previously marked.

Her breasts were perfectly round and firm, no doubt from her rigorous police training. God, she hadn't been touched in so long, his hands were intoxicating. It was equally infuriating how good the man she despised made her feel, and yet she didn't have the will to walk away. It was disgusting...  _ and _ lecherous.

He started toying with her belt, catching a handful of her ass as he did so, and exhaled heavily through his nose onto her sternum. She stumbled until her thighs hit a pew and threw her head back, then pushed his head down to let him lick her breasts. His tongue flicked her nipples one at a time for a few seconds before traveling down her abdomen to her waistband. He kneeled in front of her and slid her jeans off her hips to her ankles, dragging his hands back up her calves and knees to nudge her legs apart and lean his head between them.

“Fuck,” she groaned. “Yes, John, yes, yes, YES…” she trailed off into needy whimpers as he devoured her. His tongue flattened against her clit, pushing hard against it before moving down and licking just between her folds, then back again. Two of his fingers rubbed the wettest parts before snaking inside her.

“So wet for me, Lee,” he said, voice hoarse with desire. He worked her opening a bit to loosen her up but she was already quaking, nearing hey climax.

“John, John, I'm gonna—”

She stopped in a broken yelp, crying out with each wave that pulsed through her, feeling herself tighten and shudder with each pump of his hand. Soon the stimulation became too much and she forcefully clutched his hair, yanking his head away from her. He looked up at her with a dazed but sinful expression.

“What a mess I've made you,” he snickered. He pawed at the bulge between his legs in an effort to adjust himself. He still watched her, eyes tracing her flushed complexion and now naked body.

“Ah…” she muttered, unsure of how to respond. She was nearly dizzy in the afterglow. He really  _ had _ done a number on her.

John suddenly jerked his stare towards the windows along the south wall. A flash of headlights traveling down the road lit up the room. Panicking at the prospect of getting caught, Lee pulled on her pants, whining at how her jeans disturbed her sensitivity, and rushed for her top and jacket—as well her gun. John turned in the midst of throwing in his shirt and trenchcoat to see her movement and panicked, diving for her knife. They both looked to each other and ran out the back of the church to a trail that led to the Lamb of God sacristy.

_ Where it all began, _ she thought, rushing to the water's edge and stopping abruptly, not having anywhere where else to go. John was right behind her and rushed her with knife drawn. She whooped out her pistol and pulled the trigger—

CLICK.

… The clip was empty. The clip was fucking  _ empty _ . John laughed at the horrified look on Lee's face as she processed that and he threw her knife in the dirt.

“I'm not that stupid, Deputy,” he grinned, shucking his coat once again and grabbing her jaw. “Shall we finish what we started? Hm?”

_ It's fucking ON, _ she thought, anger seeping through her. The combination of that with pure lust was electrifying and she threw her clothes on the ground, kicked off her shoes and her pants with them. She walked backwards into the water, the green mist of the Bliss clouding her vision with sparkling light and surrounding her like clouds. She stretched her arms to him in invitation. 

“Come, John.” There was no joy in her voice; there was a soft anger and wanting, selfishness so dangerous it could bring death.

John stripped as she had and stepped into the river. The night was chill, but they were riled up with heat. They could both barely see in the darkness but the warmth of their skin on each other made sight obsolete. She gasped as he rutted into her hip, his erection stiff, and she humped his leg back, her body tightening up again.

Wordlessly, she wrapped her legs around him and lined up their bodies to let him thrust into her. They both moaned as he did so, breaths hot against their mouths, and he started rough, vicious movements as if his orgasm couldn't come fast enough. The water splashed around them and she felt herself coiling like a spring against his cock, his unforgiving pace bouncing her up and down and their hands clawing at each other as he did so. She pierced his skin again with her nails, his fingers dug into her ribs with force that would definitely bruise. Long, low moans turned into higher pitched and nearly unintelligible gasps of perverse thoughts.

“God almighty, I want to fuck everything out of you—”

“You gonna come for me, you fucking slut?—”

“Disgusting heathen, I'll destroy you—”

“I fucking hate you—”

Lee's mewling grew until she finally felt herself coming again, clamping down on his dick so tightly he almost pulled out of her. He regained himself and continued to thrust up into her to draw out her orgasm. In a flash, he moved a hand from her side and grabbed her neck, forcing her backwards and underwater.

She gasped and thrashed against him, trying to reach the surface. Her lungs burned and she felt another pull inside of her, another coiling of climax. Her chest rose up against his fingers on her throat and then she let herself be thrust down again, feeling the bubbles of her own breath brush past her face and the pressure of the water moving between them as he fucked her. Just as she let her last breath go, he yanked her up to his chest, still gripping her neck. She coughed a bit and gulped in the air, nearly in tears from the overstimulating sensation as he continued to move inside her.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes,” she moaned, voice shaking in time with her vibrations.

Seconds later his movements faltered and he pushed once, twice, then came in her, eliciting a low series of grunts from himself and a piercing cry from her.

They both let out huge breaths as they lessened their grip on each other, melting into the water. Its coolness and the breeze with it covered her skin in goosebumps. She slowly lifted herself off of him, wincing at his still hard cock sliding out of her raw folds. Looking around, she thought this might have seemed like a romantic spot, but it felt far from it. As the rush wore off, she felt the weight of exhaustion on her shoulders, as if her whole body was being dragged down by hands pulling at her legs from the ground.  _ Pulling me down to hell, probably. I deserve it. _

She clothed silently alongside him, neither saying a word or even acknowledging the other. She didn't dare say anything lest the emptiness she felt consume and break her whole being.

As she turned to find her gun, she saw John holding it by the barrel, handing it to her. She cautiously grabbed it and as she did so, he slid forward and gripped her wrist, his fingers lightly dancing over her pulse. He leaned in close as if to kiss her.

“Until next time, Wrath,” he whispered and brushed his lips against her, so lightly it might not have even been considered a kiss. Letting go of her wrist, he stepped away and headed to the dock next to the sacristy where he had hidden a boat. He stepped in and started the engine, giving her nothing more than a curious glance as he drifted away. She eventually turned, picked up her knife, and started the long, lonely walk home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are lifeblood, chime off if you'd like to see some Sharky/Dep action in a future chapter ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Thanks for reading!!


	6. Let the Water Wash Away Your Sins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The smut never ends, does it?

The week blurred for Lee as she mindlessly led Grace and Nick on quests around the county to blow up supply trucks, take back outposts, and liberate captured Resistance fighters. She felt foggy and dazed, as if she couldn't focus on anything but her most recent encounter with John—which was exactly what had her so distracted. She knew Nick and Grace felt her distance, though neither had brought it up; they most likely were letting her have some space, which she was grateful for.

The trio ended a particularly long escapade, about five days since her evening at the church, in the Spread Eagle. Nick got a round of drinks and they sat at the bar, silently surveying the room until Grace broke the ice.

“How’re Kim and the baby?” she asked, swirling the glass around in her drink.

“They're great!” Nick answered happily. His bubbly reply made Lee smile just a bit. “We were able to get some more baby stuff since, you know. Since John took it all.”

“What?” Lee started suddenly. “He took your… your  _ baby _ stuff?!”

“Yeah, he can go right to hell! Stole all of it right after we got all this free shit from folks all over the county. Man, do you know how cute baby clothes are? Anyway… s’great we got folks helping us out. I dunno what we'd've done otherwise!”

He seemed so cheery in light of the revelation; Lee just felt sick. Her jaw tightened and she ground her teeth to fight the impending nausea while she let Grace and Nick continue shooting the shit.

“See you guys tomorrow,” she interrupted, and hurried across the street to her house. She went straight for the toilet and wretched like she hadn't in years.

_ I fucked the guy who's torturing my friends, _ she seethed.  _ The fuck is wrong with me?! _

“You're a fuckin’ piece of shit,” she grumbled to herself in the mirror as she peeled herself off the bathroom floor. “You know better,” she continued weakly before bursting into tears.

She slowly meandered to bed after grabbing a full bottle of whiskey from the kitchen and laid down, stripping off only her button-up and jeans and eventually falling into a deep sleep accompanied by a myriad of bizarre dreams. One such dream had John standing in front of her in his bunker, dead Peggies all around the “confession” room, pulling a sheet to reveal baby toys piled up in a crib. He reached towards her to grasp her hands, leading her gaze to her own very pregnant belly. She panicked but couldn't move so instead let out a silent scream and watched the scene change to him strangling Hudson as he monologued about how beautiful their life would be together. She woke in the early hours of the morning and nursed the bottle of whiskey until well after the sun came up.

*****

Lee called in sick for two days, bringing her a full week out from last seeing John. She felt like she could spare the time knowing that her antics would keep John out and busy—away from his bunker—for at least a few days. She spent the time getting her shit together; she washed her hair, scrubbed her face and body of all the sweat, dirt, blood, and gunpowder it was caked with, and even took time to pamper herself.

After feeling satisfied with the more relaxed, level-headed Leann Morgan she saw in the mirror, she sauntered into the spare bedroom in the back of the house to sift through some comic books left stacked on a shelf in the closet. Fall's End knew to leave her be for a bit.  _ I'll get back to things tomorrow _ , she thought.

In that process, she made sure to take things slower by doing things more mindfully. Things were finally starting to feel right again. Until—

Static abruptly burst from her radio. She jumped, having forgotten she'd brought it down from her room. She shuddered at the sound and anticipated the voice she knew would come through.

_ “Hello, Deputy. You've made quite a mess,” _ he chided,  _ “but it seems you've been missing in action for a few days. Do I need to send my men to Fall's End to lure you out?” _

“I'm not your fuck buddy, John,” she seethed into the radio with a white-knuckled grip. “Besides, that's the weakest way to ask a girl out,” she added with heavy sarcasm.

_ “Oh? How would you recommend—” _

“I'm not doing this, John. You're fucking with my friends, with my _ life _ , I'm not gonna play your games.” She felt her face heat up and was breathing heavily, once again full of rage.

_ “Haven't you already done that, Lee?” _

Her heart stopped. She was silent waiting for his next response.

_ “Haven't you been a willing participant in our games?” _

“Fuck you,” she spat.

_ “Ah, there's that Wrath. God, I love it when the Wrath comes out.” _

She paused to process his admission. “You…  _ like _ it when I indulge in my sin?”

_ “Well, it only means you're one step closer to atonement.” _

“I don't know, John, it sounds like you like it. Sounds pretty wicked to me. Does big brother Joseph know you get off on the horrible things I do?” she asked dryly, smiling to herself at mentioning Joseph. It was a well-known soft spot for John.

_ “No, he doesn't know,” _ John huffed.  _ “But—I, I do whatever is required to keep you... alive.” _

“Bargaining won't fly with God. Just admit you like fucking me and move on.”

There was silence and in a wave of brevity, she continued to prod.

“I saw your face, I heard your moans. I saw what I was doing to you. You  _ loved _ that shit. You can't get enough so you keep harassing me for more pussy. You're a fuckboy, John. You forget about your goals and all your promises when you're getting your dick wet, like they never existed.

“And God, you ate me out like I was your last meal. I haven't been with anyone that thirsty in years.”  _ Well, it's barely been a few months but he doesn't need to know that. _ “I felt you come, in the river. You defile every place that's holy to you just because it's convenient and have the audacity to deny that you just want to get laid. Is being the holy man not satisfying enough, John? So you have to lie to justify your most basic human instincts?

“Admit you like fucking me and get over yourself,  _ Baptist.” _

She leaned back against the wall, her pulse pounding from the thrill. Between her legs was tension; remembering her time with John had her wound up to a point that she couldn't ignore. She started to lightly rub the front of her sweats in the midst of the high.

_ “Lee, I—” _

His voice sounded choked and rough. Was he… panting?

“Say it, John,” she groaned, starting to rub a bit faster.

_ “I loved fucking you. Every second. It was—it was bliss, it was ecstasy, it was idiotic and dangerous and raw like I haven't known before. Your c-cunt was s-so s-sweet—” _

Lee could hear him stuttering and unraveling at the thought and dove into the memory with him by moving quickly to the spare room's bed, slipping her hand into her pants. She leaned back and kicked her sweats off, spreading her legs and slowly starting to pump her fingers in and out of herself.

“What else?” she said breathily.

_ “Y-you… your mouth—I imagine those lips on my cock and I just—ahh,” _ he cut himself off with a muffled moan. She paused for a moment in alertness. Was someone outside?

She was facing a window that looked out into a field behind Fall's End. She peeked outside and in the setting sunlight saw a glint of blue sunglasses reflecting through the open blinds.  _ Ah. _

The window was partially open so she lay back down and starting going harder, penetrating herself and grinding her palm into her clit before using her other hand to rub and flick herself while she stroked. She paused to pick up the radio.

“I wish I could take your cock in my mouth and suck you dry, FUCK—f-fuck me. I'm fucking myself thinking about it. You're a fucking psychopath but your cock i-is—huhn—”

She could feel herself swiftly approaching her climax as she thought about him choking her while she came under the current of the river.

“Choke me, John,” she said, not bothering to pick up the radio as she did so. She could hear faint gasping outside and jumped up to fully open the window.

“Get in here and fucking choke me,” she said, peeking out to see a startled John Seed. His dark jeans were hiked down just enough to have his dick out in his hand. He let go and stared at her widely, frozen in place. She glanced around before pulling her top off and then stepped out of his sight. Within moments she heard him zip back up and smoothly climb into the room, stalking towards her and shoving her onto the bed. He straddled her chest and undid his pants again, his erection hovering over her face.

“You know what to do,” he grumbled. She quickly stretched her head up to take him in her mouth. She couldn't reach the base of his length from the odd angle so she focused on the head of his cock, swirling her tongue around the tip, massaging the underside, and teasing the opening. She could feel him shaking and knew he was close so she moved her tongue faster and sucked harder while still aggressively pushing her own body towards the edge.

As she felt herself start to come, he grabbed her neck and forced her down, pressing his rough hands against her neck and around her pulse. He dipped forward to have her take him deeper, relishing in the sound of her sharp nasal gasps for air and her strangled moans against his dick. Her vision blurred and sparked a sudden flash of white, then darkness as color bloomed behind her fluttering eyelids. Her hands faltered between her legs as vibrations rolled through her, leaving her weak in the aftershocks. He pulled out of her mouth as she fell apart and pumped himself with his other hand until he too fell over with a grunt and spilled onto her naked chest, cum dripping down her breasts as he carried himself through his orgasm.

He knelt back on his haunches and released the grip on her neck, bright red marks there from the pressure. She sat up slowly on her elbows, looking at her chest then back at him, and traced one finger down her ribs before leading it to her lips. She stared at him with warning eyes and slid the finger into her mouth, pulling it out with a popping sound. He exhaled sharply and scooted back off the bed, tucking himself back into his pants and smoothing a lock of hair back into its perfect spot, slicked flat on top of his head. The movement knocked his glasses onto the wood floor, clattering as they fell.

She wordlessly moved into the adjacent bathroom and started the shower. He stood awkwardly in the doorway with one hand in his hair and the other holding his weight against the frame. He watched her as she stepped under the water and let it wash his mess off her, droplets hanging off her perked nipples in glossy wetness. She watched him back as he slowly began undressing from his fully clothed state; he removed his vest and shirt, stepped out of his pants, and joined her in the steam.

This was another situation Lee could have seen as possibly being romantic; though, she reminded herself, she was sharing a bath with her enemy, which soured the thought. Shame crept back into her mind and filled her body with an ache of regret. It was an ache she knew how to mask.

She grabbed his hand and yanked it between her legs, which he growled and began toying with her soft flesh. They hadn't shared a single word since he'd entered the house; she was perfectly okay with that.

He slid two fingers into her. She was still slick from her orgasm and easy to move in and out of so he stimulated her easily. Her back fell against the cool tile beneath the shower head and she began softly crooning at his movements. He went from a normal pace to suddenly fast, then pulling back to excruciatingly slow, making her whine and try to hump back for friction. This went on for a few minutes and though it was torturous, it at least kept the sick feeling at bay.

He grabbed her hip and spun her around suddenly in the midst of her falling out of focus, forcing a cry of surprise out of her. She felt him at her entrance, once again hard as a rock and ready to go. He thrust into her in one swift motion, eliciting another yelp, and started fucking her slowly. He picked up his pace and moved one hand to her clit while the other was flat against the wall.

Her forearm kept her weight against the wall while the other hand reached back and grabbed his scalp. She heard him hiss at the pain of her tugging his hair but no other response. She wrapped her left leg around his behind her to bring him deeper, which brought him deep enough to hit the perfect spot in her cunt. Her walls tightened and she felt the smoldering heat of another orgasm quickly rising.

Her climax was abrupt and loud, her exclamation sounding like a siren followed by several short bouncing sobs as he continued to thrust. His fingers worked deftly between her legs, drawing her out as long as her body would go. He groaned at her mewling, and she begged him to stop at the overstimulating sensation. He refused to, continuing his brutal pace until she felt the twitching and pressure of his dick piercing deep and his moans as he rode out his own orgasm. He stayed rooted inside her as he shook, filling her as his arm moved to hold her torso in a vice grip.

She gasped for air as he pulled out of her. He stroked himself in the water to clean off and watched as she spread her legs a bit to do the same. Lee paused to turn around and see him watching her.

“I—” she began until she heard banging at the front door.

“Yo, Lee! You in there? It's game night, let's go get our drink on,” a very loud and possibly buzzed Sharky exclaimed.

“Fuck,” she muttered. John glared at her and sprinted out of the shower, scooping up his clothes and rushing into the bedroom. She grabbed a hanging towel and followed, angry and panicked and unsure, only to slam into him as he was pulling on his jeans.

“Thank you for indulging me, Wrath,” John whispered. It was the most earnestly spoken thing she'd ever heard from him. She just stared at him open-mouthed until he raised his thumb to brush her bottom lip and then withdrew quickly, tugging his shirt on and slipping out the window into the night.

The sun had mostly set and dim twilight made it harder for her to see as she stumbled through the house to the front door. She was dazed from the sex and frazzled by the interruption. She barely wrapped the towel around her when her door burst open.

“HEY DEP—Oh, shit,” Sharky breathed. She would have laughed if she wasn't so out of it.

“What's the deal? You just tryin'a see me naked or somethin’, Shark?” she forced a laugh and stood awkwardly in the middle of the room.

“Didn't mean anything by it, Dep, sorry,” he mumbled, eyes darting everywhere but at her.

“I, uh… dunno if I want to go out tonight,” she said after a moment of embarrassed silence.

“Oh! Oh. If you'd rather sit in the dark, I mean, that's cool too.”

“I just,” she went to turn on the closest light, “I've been feeling out of it lately and—”

“And this'll cheer you right up! Promise!”

“I don't think—”

“Let's gooo—ooooh,” shouted a female voice over Sharky's shoulder. Adelaide appeared behind the pyromaniac and grabbed him by the hood to drag him out of the house, closing the door with him.

Lee rushed upstairs and clothed quickly, rushing back down… and paused to grab the radio in the back room before she exited the front door.

“Sorry for the show, but, Adelaide?!” Lee jumped at the sight of Hope County's most infamous MILF. “What are you doing here?”

“Heard you were having a rough go this week and thought it'd be fun to bring the party to you,” she winked. “It ain't a party without a half-naked cop, right?”

“Ha ha.” Lee rolled her eyes.

“Come on, hon, let us treat you. Nick's setting up some barbecue and some beer on tap at his hangar.” She slung an arm around Sharky's shoulder and squeezed him uncomfortably. “Maybe I'll even beat my nephew here at beer pong this time.”

“You wish, Aunt Addy,” Sharky scoffed, face red.  _ Sharky mentioned wanting to fuck his aunt, didn't he? Something about the relation by marriage… _

“Fine, I'm in. Only for a few hours,” Lee warned. Sharky grinned. 

“You won't regret this, I promise!”

She shivered at his response and faked a smile at his echo of John's line in the bunker when Lee agreed to confess before Hudson.

_ Hudson… _

As Adelaide and Sharky piled into his car, Lee paused on the porch, making sure she didn't need anything else for the night. She heard her radio crackle:

_ “Indulge responsibly, Deputy.” _

Before her thoughts began to spiral, she hopped into the seat behind Sharky and rode to the Rye's, only hoping that the alcohol would numb her mind and get John out of her head, even for just a few hours. She had a feeling it would be another long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm working on a separate Sharky/Dep fic that will kind of? supplement this one whenever I finish it, just so I can keep majority of this fic's focus on John and Lee. I was so excited for the few comments I got last chapter so feel free to add to the conversation, whether it be general feedback or a request for a future fic/chapter. Thanks for reading, your support keeps me going! :)


	7. Turn Me Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets an unexpected visit from a concerned party and struggles with his choices while Lee tries to forget hers for just one night.

John rushed to the truck parked in the trees down the dirt road behind Fall’s End. He could feel his hair falling wildly out of place, his shirt raggedly tucked in, and his sunglasses sliding down his forehead as the setting sun beat down on him. He felt sore, exhausted, sweaty, and… more satisfied and energized than he had in, what, five years? Maybe six? The excitement threatening to escape him in fits of laughter was electrifying. The Deputy was quickly becoming addicting.

He slammed the car door shut and took off towards Seed Ranch, a spray of dirt and rocks behind him as he went. He had planned on visiting the bunker later but… no, he was in no shape to do any work tonight.

Guilt, like a stone, suddenly collected in his gut, realizing he had just foregone Joseph’s commands— _ his own salvation _ —in favor of... sex. Well, maybe this was destiny, the way he could get the Deputy to enter Eden’s Gate, to save his own soul. Reality quickly brushed that thought aside. So far, his encounters with Lee had been far from holy. And so the guilt remained the entire twilit drive.

He went through the motions at home in a daze, signing off on capture parties, Bliss shipments, updates on bunker prisoners—er, occupants. At the end of the night, he dusted off his leather shoes and sat on the edge of his bed, slowly laying back and stared at the ceiling. Slowly he closed his eyes and his mind flooded with images of  _ her, _ feeling her mouth on every part of him, her breath in his ear, his skin prickling with the ghost of her touch. It had only been a few hours and John was shocked by how much he already ached to feel her again.

He stood up and walked to his bedroom door, quietly locking it before turning off the lights and stripping himself down on the bed sheets. He tried to keep his breathing even and hushed as he fell back and began stroking himself, repeating in his head over and over Lee’s keening:  _ “Oh, John…” _

A loud knock pulled John from his thoughts, making him scramble to get himself put together. A gruff voice said from the other side of his door,

“The Father is here.”

John unlocked the door and brushed past the messenger, avoiding eye contact and pushing his hair back as he sauntered down the stairs to find his brother in front of the fireplace.

“Joseph, I—”

“Leave us,” Joseph said softly with a wave of his hand to the guards who had joined them. His eyes never left John's, which unnerved the younger brother.

After a pause once they were both sure they were alone, John started, “To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit, Father?”

“You don't need to use such pleasantries, John.”

“I—I’m sorry, Joseph. I just wasn't expecting…” John trailed off, glancing away to the pictures on the walls, the wood details decorating the room, the animal furs on the floor…

“Why do you close yourself from me, John? You've seemed… distant.”

“I've been keeping up with my work in the region, haven't I? So I don't see what—”

“John.”

John froze and looked back at his brother, instantly feeling transported back to childhood. Joseph's voice was so soft and yet so striking, like a scorching ray of light into his soul.

“Your work has been passable, that's not why I came. I worry about  _ you. _ There is something troubling you, I can sense it.” Joseph stepped forward, gripping John's arms and gently leaning their heads against each other. “I've told you to love those you teach, John, but also to love yourself. What holds you back?”

_ I must confess.  _ John couldn't will the words to leave his mouth. The weight in his gut rose out as a sob, like a child caught guilty of some petty disobedience. Joseph only hugged him and let him cry into his shoulder, briefly, before John pulled away.

“I—what if I've failed, Joseph,” he said, barely more than a whisper. “Eden's gates will be shut to me if I can't bring the Deputy to us.”

“You have to love her, John,” Joseph repeated with a hand lifted to wipe away his brother's tears.  _ Just like when we were children. _

John tried to brush his bristling off as a shrug. “I don't know… how.” His voice quivered, again threatening tears, but he stiffened his posture and lifted his gaze to Joseph. He couldn't mask the pleading in his eyes.

“Do not let your sin consume you, brother.”

John winced. It wasn't an answer to his direct question but was still painfully relevant. He wondered if somehow Joseph knew.

“As you reject your sin, replace it with love. God has given you a task that He has prepared you to fulfill. You know what you need to do, John.”

John felt like he absolutely did  _ not _ know what to do. “Okay,” he exhaled, hands falling to his sides in quiet defeat. “I—okay.”

“There is work to be done elsewhere now. Jacob has been making progress against the Whitetails, I've heard.” He paused, waiting for a response from John, which never came. “I love you, John,” Joseph finished, back to making sustained eye contact with him.

“We'll talk later this week about the…  _ Resistance… _ and a lost Bliss supply,” John responded briskly to change the subject. His eyes met Joseph's in a cold gaze, his conflict simmering just below the surface.

Joseph simply nodded with a somber smile and turned to leave. He motioned to the Eden's Gate men to re-enter the house and resume their guard duty and disappeared down the front steps.

John waited for a moment, blankly staring into space before a crackle from the radio on the table startled him back to reality. His heart rate picked up as he thought of the game he and the Deputy were playing, the dangerous back-and-forth he couldn't seem to tear himself away from.

He rushed back to his room and clicked his private radio to their usual frequency.

“Deputy,” he said, cursing the insecurity in his voice.

After a few moments, no answer. He shook his head, setting the device back down, and ran his hands down his face. Turning to leave, he stopped himself and returned to his desk.

“Lee,” he said, a level of desperation and even more hesitancy in his voice. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, the adrenaline pulsing through his veins...

Another pause, and then,

_ “... John?” _ a quiet voice said on the other end.

He let out a breath and hit the receiver. “If I could give you one thing, anything, what would it be?” He grimaced to himself at his sudden shamelessness (or stupidity, he couldn’t tell). 

_ “... Are you drunk? What the fuck kinda question is that?” _

“I’m not drunk,” he quickly explained, “I promise, I just… Answer the question.”

_ “Am  _ I _ drunk? Are you on a first-fucking-names basis with me now? You know I’m tryin’ to kill you, right?” _ she rambled, clearly flabbergasted by his request.

“My patience is wearing thin, Deputy,” he growled.

_ “Fine, fuck. You could start by letting Hudson go and save me the trouble of killin’ all your men again.” _ There was a high level of sardonic mistrust in her voice.

He held his breath again for a moment before exhaling a slow, “Alright.”

Before Lee could respond, he shut off the power and backed away, stepping into his bathroom. Rifling through the cabinets he found an old bottle of mild sedatives—he had disposed of everything he was addicted to years ago when Joseph had come back into his life—and popped a pill. He was going to need the sleep aid after whatever it was he just pulled.

***

“John? JOHN!” Lee whisper-shouted into her handheld, confusion and frustration running through her all at once. She let out a “fuck you” at the static coming from the other end before clicking the off switch and heading back inside the Rye’s hangar.

“Sorry, work stuff. What’d I miss?” she asked to the group. Nick was doling out drinks behind the bar he’d fashioned in the far corner with Sharky, Jess, Hurk, Addy, and a few folks from Fall’s End all swarmed around him. Fred, the resident who’d patched her up at the Spread Eagle after the bunker, had just flipped on an old stereo sitting on a back shelf, moving everyone into the open floor space to dance. Kim sat on a nearby couch with Grace, chatting and watching the chaos from afar.

“Get a drink in you, Dep,” Jess laughed, stepping into Lee’s line of sight and handing her a shot. She was slightly flushed and much more relaxed than usual. The grimness that she usually wore had faded into a pleasant, drunk satisfaction. Lee grinned and grabbed the glass, downing it with a wince. Her lips were still a bit swollen from… She shook off the thought and let Jess pull her into the crowd.

Lee and Jess swayed close to one another, grinning and giggling as they let the alcohol and music fill them. The archer glanced over Lee’s shoulder and moved slightly, saying, “Looks like someone needs a partner.”

Lee turned around to see Sharky shimmying towards them with two beers in hand. He clumsily shoved them into Jess’ hands and looked down at Lee.

“May I have this dance?” he slurred slightly, holding his hand out with a smile.

“‘Course you can, Shark,” Lee laughed and accepted the gesture, getting pulled surprisingly close. Her stomach fluttered at the smallest feeling of their denim pants lightly rubbing against each other. Not enough for any meaningful friction, but with where Lee’s mind had been today, it was enough to make her blush.

“Sorry I keep barging in on you naked,” he said a little too loudly, clearly losing awareness of his surroundings.

“Eh, you’re not the only one who’s done that. Pleasantries and politeness are hardly a priority in an all-out war zone, right?” she chuckled, surprised by his brazen attitude. This was the most normal she’d seen him in days. Seeing her naked probably made him feel weird. “I don’t mind,” she added quickly, almost jokingly, but a flash in his eyes made her realize how that sounded.  _ Oh well. _

“You don’t mind, huh?” he repeated with a grin. He looked up and scanned the crowd casually before looking back to her. She suddenly became very aware of his hand radiating heat on her lower back, making her shiver slightly.

“You havin’ a good time tonight?” he said, changing the subject. His hand shifted, just barely, but it still shocked her senses.  _ Damn, Lee, get a grip. _

“I actually am,” she responded honestly. “Thanks for dragging me along.”

“Friends help other friends party, am I right?” he shouted, getting resounding hoots and hollers from the others around them. “I’m glad you’re feelin’ better, Dep,” he continued, lowering his voice as he leaned closer to her. “Been worried about you.”

“You getting soft on me, Sharky?” Lee teased, squeezing his hand that still held hers. He squeezed back.

“I really don’t like goin’ soft,” he snickered. “I just mean—well, you’ve been so down lately and none of us knew why. Booze and boogying is the one cure I know can help—oh, and fire, but I know you’re not as into lightin’ shit up as I am. What with you bein’ an officer of the law and all that. Just… take care of yourself. And if you can’t, let all us take care’a you.”

Lee beamed at his genuine concern and laid her head on his chest, letting his kindness radiate through her and his breath on her hair soothe her. Whatever slow song that was playing soon ended and some oldies came on, rousing Sharky’s attention back to their surroundings. He looked slightly sobered up after not drinking for the last... three minutes.

“It’s boogie time, hell yeah!” he said and bounced her up and down before turning back into the crowd.

Lee let his hand go and bobbed her head to the beat. “Break it down for us, Shark!” she laughed. With her radio off and the music high, her anxiety started to melt away. Thoughts of John did, too, briefly. She felt like she could put everything on hold, just for one night, and that alone was enough for her to propel herself further onto the dance floor.

As the evening progressed, the smell of sweat and alcohol got thicker and Lee found herself back in front of Sharky, moshing and then line dancing and finally back to swaying as the tunes started to slow down. Nick had cleaned up the bar for the night and was holding Kim on the couch chatting with Grace and Jess, who had decided to join them at some point. Hurk was fully passed out over the counter on a stool, a half-empty glass of something still in hand until Addy jolted him away, which prompted him to stumble back to the Rye’s house. A few folks started winding down and the sober ones corralled everyone into cars and onto four-wheelers back to Fall’s End. Lee found herself alone on the party side of the hangar with Sharky, still swaying.

“Hey,” she muttered, looking up at him, those butterflies in her stomach coming back.

“Hey yourself,” he croaked, voice most likely hoarse from dancing, cheering, and drinking. They both cracked a smile at their mutual exhaustion.

“It’s pretty late,” Lee remarked but didn’t make any effort to move.

“Oh, yeah,” he responded awkwardly, slowing their movement.

Lee became hyper-aware of their closeness as they stopped. “I should probably… head back to Fall’s End.”

“Yeah, for sure. Guess I’ll crash on Nick and Kim’s couch again. Hopefully sleep off the hangover.”

“Definitely.”

In the awkward pause, she felt an impulse to touch his face. She resisted, and instead opted to slowly brush her fingers down his forearm as they stepped apart. “Thanks for a great night,” she mentioned, vaguely gesturing around them.

“It was my pleasure, Chica.”

She could see feel his breath hitch as her hand dropped to her side, and tried to stop her slight gasp at his other hand sliding around to her hip. He searched her face as if to say something but closed it, instead slowly leaning towards her. She glanced wide-eyed at him, down to his lips, then back up to his eyes again, blood pumping in anticipation. She softened her expression as he did so and—

“Sharky? You out here?” a gravelly voice said, prompting them both to shoot back away from each other as Hurk sleepily entered the back door.

“Oh hey there, Cuz! My momma’s got the car loaded up, stayed sober so we could ride back together. You ready to head out?”

“Sure thing, bud,” Sharky responded eagerly, though Lee could faintly sense disappointment in his expression.

“Thanks again,” Lee repeated a little louder. “Travel safe, I’ll see ya soon?” she inquired.

“Yeah, uh… Definitely. Definitely. Have a good one,” he responded, pausing for a moment before giving her a nod and heading out.

_ Fuck, _ Lee thought.  _ The hell is in the water this week? _

“Main house is unlocked,” Kim’s voice chimed, the Deputy’s noticing she and Nick still in the hangar under the low light.

“Thanks, guys,” Lee answered and walked the short gravel path, through the screen door, and fell into a sleep on the Rye’s couch that brought only mildly unpleasant dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO excited to finally be getting this out to everyone! Hope seeing a fanfic update in your inbox brightens your day! I have a basic outline of the rest of the fic so here's to hoping I can get a more consistent schedule to write and upload. Enjoy~

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this all month and wanted to get it uploaded before Kinktober 2018 ends! I'm new-ish to the fandom and fell in love with everyone's passion for these characters so I thought I'd give back a little of what you've all given me. More to come soon, enjoy!


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